Is there a guy who makes your heart race, but you feel frustrated because although you are dying to get closer, you have no idea whether or not he likes you too? Flirting can be a bit of a minefield, but this article will help you to better understand how men express their feelings, so that you can decide for yourself whether or not he is into you.
Why is flirting so terrifying?
Flirting is risky business when you don’t know for sure how someone feels about you. It doesn’t matter whether you are a guy or a girl, the fear of rejection mixed with a desire to express yourself can make people do funny things; and this can lead to all kinds of miscommunication!
So if the guy you like appears to be treating you like you’ve got the plague, or he seems to be flirting with all of your girlfriends instead of you, it’s probably because he is having a hard time getting the flirting right! And while you might be thinking – this guy is so not into me – in his head he is just trying his best to get your attention.
Do men and women flirt differently?
Both men and women often end up sending mixed signals during flirtation without really meaning to. This is because men and women are hard-wired to flirt in different ways, which makes reading the flirting techniques of the opposite sex somewhat tricky.
Over the years men have become accustomed to making the first move when they find a woman attractive; this is learned behaviour through decades of social conditioning. But if a guy today doesn’t approach you first, it certainly doesn’t mean he is not interested in you. In fact many men play the game differently now, and prefer to practice alternative flirtation techniques, such as playing hard-to get, when once this would have been a female role. It is no wonder that we are all getting confused and nobody knows quite where they stand!
Another significant difference in the ways in which men and women flirt is that men tend to take a much more systematic approach to flirtation. This is because men usually depend on logic, as opposed to women who are influenced more by their own emotions.
For example, when a guy is interested in a girl, it is not unusual for him to initiate a plan of action, which follows a number of simple steps in order to ‘get the girl’. A woman on the other hand is more likely to go with the flow and react to the guy using her own natural instincts rather than a pre-determined plan. For this reason, if a guy appears to be acting in a strange, stiff sort of manner with you, it may be because he is trying to keep to the rules of the game he thinks he is playing.
Although saying that, men don’t tend to play “games” per se. They are pretty straightforward when it comes to getting what they want. This means that if a guy really likes you, he will find a simple way to let you know sooner or later. Often the reason women don’t know whether or not a guy likes them is because they are looking into the details too much, and making the situation complicated, when really it is simple.
Signs that tell you a guy is attracted to you
With all the mixed messages that can be thrown about, you would be forgiven for thinking that it is impossible to know whether a guy is into you or not. Actually, there are telltale signs, and if you are observant you will be able to read your guy and feel confident that he feels the same way as you do.
When a guy sets out to flirt with you, or get your attention because he likes you, his methods probably won’t be too subtle. It’s not that he means to be obvious or crude, men are just more direct and straightforward than women are. They would rather move forwards in a productive fashion and see what happens, rather than hold back and assess all the possible results of all the possible scenarios.
Despite his methods of flirtation being questionable or contradictory you can always tell if a guy is interested by paying attention to the following three things:
- His body language
- His verbal cues
- Whether he tried to form an intimate connection with you.
How to read a man’s body language when flirting
If a guy is in a group amidst other guys and he likes you, he will instinctively want to make an impression on you. Confident guys have no problem in getting your attention with their wit and flirtatious verbal banter, but a guy who isn’t sure of him self may not have the same social skills. He will have to find other ways to make himself stand out from the crowd.
You will be able to detect from a guy’s body language whether or not he is attracted to you or one of your friends by observing how he holds himself. A man who wants you to notice him will instinctively try to look bigger and more “alpha-male” than the rest of the competition; and this translates to standing taller, chest out and head up, so that he has a more erect appearance! Often if a guy is not so sure of himself then his attempts at doing this can make him look a bit awkward. So look out for the guy who doesn’t look comfortable in his own skin!
If he likes you then he will display open body language when talking to you, which means his chest will be turned to face you, he will usually smile and generally look approachable. Men who are attracted to a woman tend to sit or stand with their legs wide open, which is often thought to be a subconscious attempt to draw your attention to the manly package in between them! If you notice a guy who stands with his thumbs linked into his trouser pockets, you might want to assume that this is another subconscious way of drawing your attention to that crucial area.
As I said before men are not that subtle, so don’t be surprised if he literally uses his body to get your attention by accidentally bumping into you so that he has to smile and apologize, or offer to buy you a drink. Any excuse to get engaged in a conversation with you!
How can you tell if a guy likes you from what he says?
Verbal cues are not as complicated as you might think. Firstly, if a guy has gone out of his way to talk to you, it must be for a reason, so why shouldn’t that reason be that he wants to get to know you better? Secondly, even when a guy seems to be talking nonsense, it is still a sign that he is interested and is trying his best to keep the conversation going.
You might find that a guy continues to ask you questions. It isn’t because he is nosy, or even interested to hear your answers – Often the guy is just really keen to keep talking, and he will ask anything. So don’t be put off if suddenly you find him asking random questions and leading you off on a conversation that is darting from one subject quickly onto the next. Give the poor guy a break and help him out – engage with him, ask some questions back and steer the conversation.
If the guy is asking quite personal ones, don’t assume he is a stalker; take it as a compliment, and accept that he is genuinely interested to find out more about you. If you feel uncomfortable, then take control and steer the conversation away from you by asking more questions about him.
If the guy adds you on Facebook this could be another sign that he likes you, but before you jump to conclusions, wait for him to actually interact with you and say something, otherwise he could just think you’re cool, which is a bit different than thinking you’re hot. If he likes some of your pictures, comments on more than one of your status updates, or initiates an online chat with you, then you can safely assume he is interested and wants you to know it. You should always use your common sense and personal instincts though.
How to work out whether a guy is trying to be intimate with you
Intimacy isn’t necessarily a sexual connection. When a guy really likes you he will attempt to find different ways to get closer, either physically or mentally, to you so that you can both open up and connect more – this is a from of intimacy.
Check out how close he sits to you when you are talking. Does he lean in to listen to what you are saying even when he can hear you perfectly well? And what about his body language, does he take the opportunity to lightly touch you during conversation, maybe on the arm or the knee? This is his way of forming a special connection with you.
If you are not sure, observe how he behaves with other people. Does he do the same thing with everybody, or is the behaviour reserved only for you? When a guy likes you, he wants to treat you differently from the rest, and you will feel it!
Trust your instincts
Women tend to have strong natural instincts, but many often ignore them. Try to tap into your femininity and see if you can feel whether or not a guy is into you. You should be able to feel that the energy between you is different or special in some way. Do you both smile at each other for no apparent reason? Does he feel protective of you? Do you make each other laugh?
Attraction is a two-way thing, and if you both like each other, all you have to do is tap into your feelings to know that your feelings are reciprocated.