Social media requires us to present a sharp image of ourselves online in order to be liked and followed. If you haven’t mastered this, then there is a likelihood you won’t have many people following you – or worse – you could be ignored to a large extent. We’ve compiled over 100 cool statuses for Instagram (who knows – you could use them on Facebook or Twitter too!) to help you out in your endeavors creating your perfect image.
We agree that it doesn’t seem too fair to have to come up with original and witty statuses all the time. Our brains need some time to rest and reload with the right material, yes? This is why we’ve composed these statuses for you – so you can take a rain check on being your own witty self. Or, you can choose to use these statuses as inspiration. Why not? The best creativity is just a mish-mash of others’ creativity! We don’t mind – you can borrow from us!
We all know that Instagram is more of a social media for visual displays, but sometimes having a catchy phrase to go with a special picture has a better effect on your audience.
Go ahead and go through these cool Instagram statuses. Feel free to use them on any social network – or in real life!
- Is it just me, or is Instagram just Auto-Tune for photos?
- Its Throwback Thursday on Instagram…Chicks showing us how much they fell off since High School…
- Oh, you’re a model? What’s your agency? Instagram…
- Since today is Valentine’s day, I was wondering if you’d like to go back to MySpace, so I can Twit with your Yahoo, until I Google all over your Facebook and we can Instagram our date… Happy Valentine’s Day, Everyone!!
- Just because I like your Instagram status does not mean I want to sleep, date, or hangout with you…
- Dear people who update their Instagram status every 30 seconds, there’s Twitter for a reason!
- For April Fools Day, I think Instagram should switch the search box and the status update box around. So people would post updates on who they stalk.
- You don’t have to like me, I’m not a Instagram status.
- I bet that in prison everyone’s Instagram relationship status is set to “it’s complicated”.
- Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
- Not to name names, but I know some of you update your status from your phone so it appears like you actually left the house.
- That annoying moment when two people start a conversation on YOUR Facebook status.
- Facebook should change the relationship status from ‘Its complicated’ to ‘Sammie and Ronnie’
- A girl’s status will tell you more about how she feels than she ever will.
- Single, taken, in a relationship; are all just terms. Your status is measured by your actions.
- When your girlfriend has Taylor Swift lyrics as her status. Either you’ve done something very right or very wrong.
- That awkward moment when nobody likes your Instagram status.
- Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Instagram status.
- My ex boyfriends Facebook status said ‘Suicidal and standing on the edge.’ …So I poked him.
- If your girlfriend claims that she never looks at your Instagram profile; Try changing your status to ‘Single’ and wait 3-5 minutes…
- Why is it that Facebook even gives me the option to ‘Like’ my own status? Of course I like my status. I’m hilarious.
- Keep your issues in your tissue box, and learn how to keep them out of your status box.
- Hearing a part of a song and thinking…’That’s definitely going to be my next status!’
- OH NICE, so you can update your status via mobile, but you cant text me back?
- Guys: Wow, her status is dumb. But shes cute, so I’m gonna like it.
- One of the most unusual things in my life is when my Instagram is so quiet.
- It’s always your most fruitless girlfriend who decides to become a life coach.
- I find it weird that my dog probably the only one who doesn’t know what Instagram is?
- I’d really love your selfies on the Instagram way more if you swap your cell phone with a hand grenade.
- To the jobs who forced people to go to work in minus 50 temperatures, mean go directly to Hell.
- So you can follow people and not be friends with them on the Instagram? That’s the most stalker’s things I’ve ever heard. In other words, that’s dirty if they creep and not let you creep back that means they must be scared.
- Sometimes it’s good to know you’re not a priority to someone anymore.
- It is important for us to remember that death is not the end, but only a transition to something we do not yet fully understand.
- Let me broadcast to Instagram status for making people believe they are more essential than they are.
- I’ll continue updating silly Instagram statuses and captions for the community to enjoy on the Internet.
- I don’t know if I should praise you, or send you a therapist.
- If you hate me now just have patience. You gone really hate me!
- Don’t expect me to scratch your back if you refuse to scratch mine.
- Do you know that, females on average live 8 years longer than men only because women don’t have to deal with females!
- Trying to get to know you is like trying to split the red sea.
- I will send you a special thank you card if you stop talking about our relationship on the Instagram.
- Your boyfriend’s teeth remind me that I need to go stop at Dollar General and buy some candy corn.
- I bet you don’t even know I dream of you.
- This world is 70% water and these women and guys are still thirsty.
- A great way to teach your kids about taxes and social security is to take 30% of their pocket money and promise to give part of it back in 70 years.
- It takes less than a minute to change your attitude and within that minute you can change your entire day.
- I don’t understand why people write on their walls and Instagram status, true love does not exist.
- Friend me on Facebook, follow me on Instagram and twitter. Send me your life via Snapchat but do not talk to me in person..
- Instagram has changed the world views me which means I am better online than I am in real life.
- Instagram has made my reel life better than my real life.
– 70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots.
– This lady in Walmart is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf before…
– That awkward moment when you don’t understand a joke but laugh anyway, and then someone asks you to explain the joke.
– “Beauty sleep” is such bologna I sleep 12 hours a day and I still look like trash.
– I need new swear words.
– Just sprayed a fly with Axe body spray. He’ll live, but he won’t get laid.
– Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wans to deal with your drunk ass.
– Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
– Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything.
– Where can I download motivation?
– “Message sent failed. Would you like to resend?” Well, obviously I was sending it for a reason.
– Be crazy, weird, and don’t care what anybody thinks.
– Forever wondering what my language sounds like to people who can’t speak it.
– Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.
– Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration, and 2% attention to detail.
– I’m OCD but I worry that I’m not OCD enough…
– The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
– So it’s election day in Madagascar… I vote for King Julian!
– FYI: It’s illegal to shine a laser pointer at a plane because a cat might attack it.
– People don’t even say grace before meals anymore. They just hold their phone over the plate, take a picture, then upload it to Instagram…
– I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird…
– Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle…
– Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus… and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
– When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored, and then just leave.
– I can’t get out of bed, these pillow have accepted me as one of their own and if I leave now I might lose their trust.
– I can never decide whether “Every Breath You Take” by The Police is incredibly sweet or incredibly terrifying…
– If you watch the Harlem Shake backwards, it’s a video about a guy who parties longer than everyone else…
– I walk away from auto-flush toilets like movie stars walk away from explosions…
– Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit… Wisdom is not putting a tomato into a fruit salad.
– You suddenly realize that you’re all grown up that moment when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kicking it under the fridge.
– Rap is like scissors, it always loses to rock…
– Why is everyone worried about meteors instead of the possibility that Russia just got their own Superman?
– Capitalization is the difference between “helping your Uncle Jack off a horse” and “helping your uncle jack off a horse”.
– Bear in mind that every flower given to that special someone today is the severed sexual organ of some helpless plant (Happy Valentine’s Day)
– How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
– Never underestimate my ability to make things weird for everyone involved in this endeavor…
– I want that job where you get to push scared skydivers off of the plane…
– Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it? No? How about now?
– For Your Information… Hospitals don’t like it when you unplug things to charge your phone without asking first.
-That awkward moment when you make a Star Wars reference in a conversation and the other person has no idea what you’re talking about.
-Life has no remote. You have to get up and change it yourself…
-How long after walking into someone’s house is it acceptable to ask for their wifi password?
-Pirates using X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would have ever found their treasure…
– When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing the dead back to life.
– I’m not saying I’m Batman… but answer me this… Have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room?
– If you’re at a party and people start chanting your name, are you obligated to do anything they want you to do?
– I’m not an alcoholic. I simply practice my CPR skills on wine when it doesn’t seem to be breathing.
– Why do we feel safe under a blanket? It’s not like a murderer will come thinking, “I’m going to kill… Oh damn, they’re under a blanket!”
– Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
– Fun Fact: Barbies get fat too… If you microwave them…
– Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin… and muffins are healthy. You’re welcome.
– Chuck Norris died last night. On a happier note, he is feeling better this morning and should be back at work on Monday.
– They should make an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhh” in relief when you plug it in…
– Pandas are so chill. They’re like, “Dude, racism is totally stupid. I’m white, black, and Asian…”
– I’ve just bought a 3D Kindle! Or actually, I like to call it a book.
– Deleting your Instagram or Facebook is just like running away from home. You’re just doing it for attention and you’ll be back the next day.
– Dear Santa: All I want for Christmas is a list of your naughty girls.
– Just know, when you truly want success, you’ll never give up on it. No matter how bad the situation may get.
– I don’t regret the things I’ve done, I regret the things I didn’t do when I had the chance.
– It’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it’s harder to give up when you know its everything you want.
– One of the most important keys to success is having the dicipline to do what you know you should do, even when you don’t feel like doing it.
– Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, or worn. It is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude
– When you say “It’s hard” it actually means “I’m not strong enough to fight for it.” Stop saying its hard and think positive.
– The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow. For every challenge encountered, there is opportunity for growth.
– Self confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have. How can anyone see how awesome you are if you can’t see it yourself?
– Three things you cannot recover in life: the word after it’s said, the moment after it’s missed, and the time after its gone. Always tread carefully.
– Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
– When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. Believe me, it has nothing new to say.
– Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away from your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.
– Love what you have, need what you want, accept what you recieve, give what you can. Always remember, what goes around comes around!
– Always remember that there is always someone out there that is more happy than you with much less than what you have.
– The biggest mistake you can have in life is making the mistake of never trying at all – how can you succeed without trying?
– No one is going to hand me success. I must go out and get it myself. That’s why I’m here. To dominate. To conquor. Both the world, and myself.
– I’m selfish, impatient and little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times I’m hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best. (Marilyn Monroe)
– I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. (Maya Angelou)
– Life is too short to start your day with broken pieces of yesterday. It will definately destroy your wonderful today and ruin your great tomorrow.